Gavel Gamut: Playing the odds for next year

I. Apocalypse

The world will not end December 21, 2012, no matter what the Mayans predicted; although, if you happened to see the 2006 movie, Apocalypto, you might think the Mayan world needed to be brought to an end to put a stop to their practice of human sacrifice.
    But as for their End of the World prediction, I am confident we will get past December 21.  However, I am not quite as sure about surviving April 15.  Should I be wrong about our failing to perish on December 21, 2012, feel free to let me hear about it.

II. College Football

Indiana University will not win college football’s National Championship next year.  On the other hand, IU will at least double the number of game we won in 2011.  And, with a little imaginative scheduling of say Bryn Mawr and Smith Colleges, and M.I.T., we might triple our victories.

III. Pro Football

    Peyton Manning will return to the Colts and lead them to the playoffs.  Unfortunately, the Colts will lose to the Denver Broncos when Tim Tebow takes the Broncos on a miraculous last minute drive.  And, when Tebow hugs Manning after the game, Manning’s neck will no longer bother him.

IV. Baseball

    Albert Pujols will buy the St. Louis Cardinals and hire Don Mattingly to manage them.

V. NBA Basketball

    No one will care if there is a season.

VI. Hunting

    Animal rights advocates will demand that ducks and deer have the right to bear arms. The NRA will not object as long as the animals pass a certified gun safety course.

VII. Communication

    Some off- the-wall computer company will discover a way for teenagers to text by blinking.  This will drive parents, teachers and traffic police crazy, but it will open new markets for eyelash extenders and masculine mascara.

VIII. Politics 2012

    Donald Trump will attempt to fire all of the Republican candidates for the presidency in retaliation for their refusal to be part of his debate.
In California, voters will be allowed to cast their ballots at any Starbucks Coffee shop.
    New York voters will have the option of voting at any street vendor cart or neighborhood bodega if the proprietors do not discriminate against anyone on the basis of race or ethnicity.
    Florida voters may cast their votes online via the Social Security website.  If they have an out-of-state license on their car, they may vote in either Florida or their home state.

IX. Iran

    The United States will use military might against Iran claiming we were forced to do so by Iran.  Our ostensible purpose will be to protect the flow of oil through the Strait of Hormuth.  Of course, our actions will cause the price of oil to rise precipitously resulting in a concomitant rise in the cost of everything from gasoline to plastic.
    After we spend a trillion dollars and lives are lost, we will discover we do not need to rely on oil from abroad as we have immense natural resources within our own control including the technology to use alternative energy.

X. The Weather

    It will be hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk in July and the Wabash and Ohio rivers will go over flood stage.

XI. Golf

    My golf game will steadily improve.  I have confidence in this prediction as I sent a letter to Santa requesting this and the letter has not been returned.

XII. Peg

    Peg will find enough jobs around JPeg Ranch to keep me off the couch until 2013.